The Pathetic Patriotism of Canada
Florida Man vs. the Dominion of Canada in Year of Our Lord 2025
Sheila Broflovski Was RIGHT.
“Blame Canada! We need to form a full assault! It’s Canada’s fault!”
At least that’s what Sheila Broflovski affirms to us in Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s 1999 film South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut. I really can’t blame the mothers of South Park, Colorado. What would you do if some high-pitched cartoonish boys from Canada came down to your quiet, redneck mountain town in America and taught the f-word to your 10-year-old son?! I wouldn’t stand for it!!! Sheila is right! We do need to form a full assault! It is Canada’s fault!
Sure, this film came out all the way back in 1999, but it’s more relevant today than ever! As we near the end of the first 100 days of the second Trump presidency, I am really getting the sense that Donald Trump has been watching South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut. He’s taking a note from the prescient Sheila Broflovski.
Compared to his first presidency, Donald Trump has clearly changed his tune on Canada, Mexico, and other big trading partners with the United States. Sure, Trump has always talked the talk with protectionism, but he is actually doing it in his second presidency! In 2018, he signed the globalist USMCA (or NAFTA 2.0) with Canadian PM Justin Trudeau and Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto.
Now, in Year of Our Lord 2025, he is barraging them with 25% tariffs! Finally, a president who stands up for the AMERICAN WORKING MAN on the global stage. Sheila Broflovski and the Mothers Against Canada in South Park, Colorado, would be proud!!!
Canadian Polarization Against Donald Trump
To quote a musical visionary from Alberta, “Look at this photograph. Every time I do, it makes me laugh.”
That’s definitely how I feel when I look at the image above of U.S. President Donald Trump and former Canadian PM Justin Trudeau. It reminds me of the good times … even though it was only 4 months ago. Man, a lot has changed since then, eh? Donald Trump re-entered the White House. Justin Trudeau has left the Canadian premiership in favor of the new Liberal PM Mark Carney. Unironically, Trudeau and Trump had a good relationship in Trump’s first term, but — since Trump has returned to the White House — Canadian voters have negatively polarized against him.
In a vacuum, Trump’s attempted trade war against Canada has fueled this negative polarization against the U.S. president and, consequently, the Canadian Conservative Party. Before Trump’s return to the White House, the Conservative Leader of the Opposition Pierre Poilievre — of Carleton, Ontario — had a 93% chance of winning the premiership after the election on April 28 (according to Polymarket). On January 6, Justin Trudeau announced that he would resign after his Liberal Party elected a new leader. On March 9, the Liberal Party chose Mark Carney, who officially entered the premiership on March 14.
As of April 26, Poilievre’s chances of becoming the next prime minister after the election crashed to 23%. Carney overtook Poilievre for the first time on March 18. Poilievre had a brief resurgence in mid- to late March, but Carney has been ahead of Poilievre in the odds since March 25. Carney’s chances have only steadily climbed since then.
This turning of the tables has occurred largely because of what we call “negative polarization”. Because Poilievre’s Conservative Party is the center-right party in Canada, voters will always associate it more with the GOP in the United States. If the U.S. has a Republican president detestable to Canadians, as Trump is, then the Conservative Party will serve as an avatar for him. This tacit association between the Canadian Conservatives and Donald Trump will occur even if the Conservative Party tries to distance itself from Donald Trump as Pierre Poilievre has. It doesn’t work.
Would Canadian voters hate a generic Republican as president? What would be happening if Secretary of State Marco Rubio was serving as president instead of Donald Trump? I don’t know. I conjecture that they probably wouldn’t hate him as much. Since he re-entered the White House, Trump has just been targeting and bullying Canada in specific ways in which no other president has engaged in recent memory. Because of its proximity to us and its economic integration with the United States, Canada has been the strongest ally of the U.S. for a long time unless you account for the geopolitical alliance and strength of the United Kingdom, our so-called “special” relationship.
Again, Trump has wantonly announced tariffs against Canada, our #1 number trading partner. Furthermore, he trolled and bullied Trudeau by calling him the GOVERNOR of Canada, implying that Canada was a state in the United States. Trump has repeatedly affirmed his desire to make Canada the 51st state. In a way, Trump is correct. Canada could not function without the support of the Canadian economy. God forbid this doesn’t happen, but what would happen if China or Russia invaded North America as Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy cryptically threatened to Donald Trump and JD Vance during their contentious meeting on February 28. It would be the American military that would protect the shores of Canada.
Mike Myers SPEAKS UP
On March 24, Canadian comedic actor Mike Myers appeared in a Liberal Party ad with Prime Minister Mark Carney. They collaborated again on an ad on April 26 claiming that Canada is the country that “stands up” to bullies. Strangely, two men who have a history of living in other countries have come together to claim that they want to stand up to the United States. Mike Myers has moved to the United States for his comedic and acting career, and Mark Carney was a British resident until a few minutes ago so that he could run for prime minister.
Nonetheless, in Canada, your legal status as a Canadian doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you STAND UP to the bully of the United States. As long as you can rattle off a few Canadian cultural references like “Mr. Dressup”, you’re good. That’s what Mike Myers did! In the United States, we equate nationalism to the right wing, but the situation is flipped in Canada. Nationalism is associated with the left wing because they are the most opposed to the United States.
Canada does not exist as a nation on its own. They have two options: 1) they can be left-wing and hate America OR 2) they can be more right-wing by deliberately emulating the United States. Sadly, for Conservative Pierre Poilievre, he exists in an awkward middle space. He has to distance himself from the Boomer Mike Myers patriotism of Mark Carney, but he also has to claim that he hates the WWE heel of Donald Trump because Trump is a BULLY. The Love Guru said so on a hockey rink! And we Canadians LOVE HOCKEY.
This is why I call Canadian patriotism “pathetic”. It exists as a reaction to a more important, more prosperous, and more powerful country in the United States. As much as we might not like American nationalism, we exist on our own. British patriotism exists on its own. French patriotism exists on its own. Japanese patriotism exists on its own. The United States is like the Los Angeles Lakers while Canada is like the Los Angeles Clippers. They also think about us, and we barely think of them.
And I love Canada. It’s our greatest ally, but this election is making me realize how lame the patriotism of the Boomers in Canada is. If you’re going to be nationalistic, make something positive about your country. Don’t become a negative image of your southern neighbor. I do not know who will win the Canadian election on Monday, but it will tell us about the psyche of the Canadian people. If Carney prevails, then their nationalistic identity of NOT being the United States supersedes any desire to revert from the failures of their left-wing government of the past decade.